pain's grey

What is the color of regret?
What is the color of self-abasement?
What color is "it's complicated?"
What color is the feeling of being alone in a crowd?
What is the color of ceaseless yearning?
What color is the call of a mourning dove?

I think it could be Payne's Grey.  Named after late 18th century watercolorist William Payne, it is homophonous  of a my particular feelings at the moment.  The bright colors I usually favor seem to mock the misery I feel.  They assail my eyes and appear garishly inappropriate now.

And so my latest pieces are in this somber hue.  They are stormy skies and withered leaves and dangerous waters.












Pain's grey is all that's left when the rainbow is enough.

And because I try to make sure nothing is wasted in my studio practice, with the water I used to remove the Payne's Grey from my brush, I created a small portrait.








Art history professors seem to have different opinions on the cave paintings at Lascaux, but the explanation I recall is one of sympathetic magic.  Ancient artists painted the bison herds in the hope of having a successful hunt. In a similar expression of wishful artistry,  I have painted the likeness of someone whose return I desperately await.