I think I figured out why I like finding things that coordinate with each other so much. It's because of the many incongruities in my life. They're not unlike the litany of circumstances catalogued in Alanis Morissette's "Ironic," which, though they range from unfortunate to tragic, are not truly ironic: "rain on your wedding day, a free ride when you already paid, good advice that you just didn't take..." Parallel to that.
Growing up as an artist in a country that doesn't care about artists. Applying to colleges based on name recognition; only having my alma mater's name recognized by men who implied I was never qualified to go there. Getting a full academic scholarship to a university that didn't offer my desired major. Seeing that same university offer the major I wanted years after I graduated from it. Having an internship that opened a door, but it was the wrong door. Enrolling in a fiction writing MFA program when I had writer's block.
Going back to school to escape dead-end retail jobs; being offered almost nothing but dead-end retail jobs after graduating. Acquiring years of work experience in fields I don't care for. Finding a job I loved where I hoped to move up the ladder only to get laid off and have it turn into a job I hated in the process.
Applying for jobs before graduation in order to have something lined up afterwards, then getting offers that would have required dropping out of school in the middle of my last semester, and not getting any offers when I applied again after graduation. Getting job offers I don't want and never getting the ones I do. Watching people who don't know what they're doing fail up again and again while being rejected for not having enough experience. Knowing what I want to do with my life but not knowing enough people willing to pay me a living wage to do it.
Falling in love with men who didn't love me; attracting attention from men I find odious. Discovering a TV show I find captivating that gets canceled while shows I don't enjoy get renewed season after season. Having the entrée I always order from a restaurant–the only reason I even go there–taken off the menu.
Finding out a store I want to order something from is having an amazing sale when I'm totally broke. Earning a windfall that is almost immediately consumed by unexpected expenses. Checking my email in anticipation of something important and only finding spam. Receiving messages from businesses who want me to be their client instead of potential clients who want to do business with me.
Treating my art practice like a business; finding that my business is a second job where I pay to work there. Posting my art online in the hope of getting 1000 true fans; mostly getting responses from a smattering of reply guys. Having my best social media posts shared by weirdos with a handful of followers, while the ones with typos or missing information get shared by accounts with thousands of followers. Scrolling through calls for artists that all have entry fees or else are irrelevant to my work.
Being bombarded with unsolicited advice from people who claim they just want me to be happy when it has the opposite effect. Wanting to make art in a world that only wants content. Feeling like a square peg in a round hole...
It makes it all the more satisfying when things coordinate, complement, fit, match, harmonize, and align. A pleasant illusion in a frustratingly chaotic world.
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